Property of the State Read online

“Agh! Get off of me! I can fucking walk on my own. I don’t desesrve to be treated like this. Where y’all taking me? What the hell is going on?” I shouted as they handled me way too roughly.

  “You need to close your mouth and do as we say,” one of the COs said smartly. “Down to solitary you go—step one,” he continued. The mouthy CO was quickly shushed by another officer.

  My eyebrows dipped low on my face as I tried to figure out what the hell he was talking about. I hated it when I was in the dark about something that concerned me. So it was in my best interest to find out what they were talking about.

  “Why don’t you just fucking tell her everything and then have her acting the fool before anything can get started,” another officer whispered harshly, more like being sarcastic.

  My heart immediately began racing and my stomach turned over in my gut. Step one? Anything get started? Anything like what? I was screaming in my head. I wanted to scream, kick, jump, or do anything to deal with the overwhelming feeling of fear I was experiencing. I knew, though, that would just get me an ass whupping from those COs. I decided to play it cool until they got to wherever they were taking me. I wasn’t going to get any answers, and that was clear to me in that moment.

  With wide, stretched eyes, I looked around the dimly lit hallway we finally stopped in. On each side of the hallway, there were two rows of black metal doors with tiny windows and rectangular slots. I could hear women screaming from behind the doors. Screaming like someone was killing them or torturing them at the least. I was scared shitless. I felt like my bladder would involuntarily release. Finally the COs opened one of the doors and I was tossed inside a dank, musty room that held only a cinder block platform with a thin mattress on it. There was a lone silver sink/toilet combination that was built into the wall, and also a slim, rectangular slot in the heavy metal door. It was the inside view of what was behind the doors I had just seen.

  I thought being on the medical unit was supposed to be like an open area with beds or hospital-type rooms. This shit was solitary confinement, like I had committed some heinous crime in prison or something. My mind raced in a million directions. I walked up and down the small cell, my fear and confusion almost palpable.

  “God, if You have any mercy left for me, please protect me. I don’t know what is going on, but I don’t like it at all,” I prayed out loud as I moved back and forth in the tiny space. I wanted to be with my mother. Or with Jillian and my grandmother, even if it meant that I had to die. Anything would be better than this. It felt like my whole life was at a standstill. I wasn’t making any progress whatsoever.

  Finally exhausted from pacing, I sank down on the cold cinder block bed that would be my new sleeping place and hugged my knees up to my chest. I closed my eyes and bit down into my bottom lip. I couldn’t help but think about the love and the bonds with my family that I was missing now. I thought about all of the people that had been hurt behind my actions. When the thought popped into my head, immediately what happened that fateful day to my sweet neighbor, Mrs. Mabel, who’d let me hide out in her house, played out like a movie in my mind’s eye.

  * * *

  I had been dumb enough to open the door for a little boy selling candy right before Mrs. Mabel had come into the kitchen holding a new door lock. We’d been standing there talking when her doorbell had rung. I stopped and turned toward her. We’d both exchanged surprised and nervous looks.

  “Are you expecting someone?” I had whispered, my voice shaking.

  “No. I’m not,” Mrs. Mabel had whispered back. “Go to my bedroom and close my door. I will come get you when they’re gone.”

  “Okay,” I had replied, my heart slamming against my chest.

  Mrs. Mabel had watched me until I walked into her bedroom and closed the door.

  “Who is it?” she had yelled through the door.

  I couldn’t hear the person on the other side of the door, but when Mrs. Mabel had asked the person to repeat himself, I heard a man’s voice, but I couldn’t decipher his words.

  “How can I help you?” she had continued, and that’s when I cracked her bedroom door a little.

  “My name is Officer Kahn and this is Officer Pax and we would like to ask you some questions,” I had heard a male voice say to Mrs. Mabel.

  I couldn’t get a look at the guy talking at the front door. At this angle, all I could see was the police patch stitched to the arm of the uniform.

  “What kind of questions do you need answering?” Mrs. Mabel had asked him. “Are you looking for something?” she followed up.

  “Is there someone else in this apartment?” I had heard the other person ask. The sound of the voice had immediately alarmed me.

  Peeking, I had caught a glimpse of the second man. “Oh my God, it’s Ahmad,” I had gasped. Fear and anxiety had consumed my body all at once. I immediately ran to the window and opened it. I punched the screen out of the window and watched it fall down on the ground, but I didn’t leap out of the window.

  Confused and scared to death, I went into Mrs. Mabel’s walk-in closet and closed the door. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I had whispered as I cowered in the small ceiling space inside. I began to sweat profusely and I hadn’t been in that space for two minutes. My heart rate went from fifty to one hundred miles per hour in three seconds flat. And I knew that at that very moment my life was about to end. Then the sound of the bedroom door crashing into the wall behind it terrified me.

  “Fuck! She climbed out of the window!” I had heard Ahmad bark. “Go get her before she gets away. Kill her. I want her dead,” he had yelled at his men. I had known then that Mrs. Mabel didn’t stand a chance of making it out alive.

  Ahmad had stayed behind and searched Mrs. Mabel’s bedroom.

  “She got away,” I heard his partner say breathlessly.

  “How the fuck did we let her get away?!” Ahmad’s voice had boomed again.

  I could tell that he was furious. And if he knew that I was still in this apartment, he’d definitely torture my ass without thinking twice about it.

  “I told you we should’ve gotten her after we sent the kid to sell her the candy bar the first time,” the other guy had replied.

  I had been set up good. In the end, Mrs. Mabel had paid for my misdeeds with her life.

  How will I ever forgive myself for that? That shit will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.

  * * *

  “Heiress, stand center for bed check,” a CO’s deep baritone snapped me out of reliving the day I had put Mrs. Mabel in grave danger.

  The slot in the door slid open.

  “Step up to the window,” the CO demanded. His voice wasn’t as annoying as most correctional officers’, maybe because he wasn’t screaming like the rest of them usually did.

  I got up and reluctantly stepped in front of the door slot and peered at him through the small, scratched-up plastic window. The officer was looking at his clipboard, scribbling something down. He finally lifted his head and looked at me. He did a double take.

  I could tell he saw something that he liked. Maybe I didn’t look as bad as I thought. Either that or he was just a pervert. Yup, I could tell he liked what he saw. Although I thought I looked like shit, and probably did, I could tell he had some lust in his eyes.

  “What—what . . . what’s your inmate number?” the CO stammered. His yellow face immediately flushed pink.

  “I don’t know. I just got here. I don’t even know why I’m here. I went from being injured to placed in the hole. It makes no sense. Maybe you can help me understand,” I rambled like it was my first and last chance to speak.

  The CO exhaled loudly. He looked a little annoyed and surprised at the same time. He still looked like he was interested in me, though. At first, that gave me pause, because I knew a lot of COs raped female inmates they thought were vunerable. Then I started thinking, maybe I could befriend this CO and get to the bottom of this place. Maybe I could get him to get me the fuck out of there too. All sorts of craz
y thoughts entered my head causing it to pound like crazy.

  “Okay. Bed check done,” the CO droned, still unable to take his eyes off of me.

  I knew right then that he found me attractive underneath all the state-issued hospital garment.

  “What’s your name, Officer?” I asked, deciding to shoot my shot. “If I’m going to be all alone down here, at least I’ll have you to talk to,” I said as seductively as a bitch who was locked up could be. I was not trying to miss out on this opportunity, if it was going to be my best shot.

  “Anderson,” he answered like he was a little winded.

  He was clearly unnerved. You would’ve thought I was standing there naked. The CO swallowed hard, but couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering down to my breasts. I noticed, and he knew that I noticed.

  “It’s nice to meet you, CO Anderson,” I said; then I walked away from the door.

  Teasing had worked best in my years of experience. Had I thrown it all out there too soon, I knew I would’ve spooked the CO and then he would’ve been of no use to me later.

  “Same here, Inmate Heiress! I’ll be assigned to you from now until its time for you to go to testing,” the CO yelled at my back.

  “Wait? What’s testing?” I asked, and my voice rose a few octaves. I wasn’t being sexy and seductive anymore. “If you would please just explain all of this to me, I would be so grateful,” I pled.

  He never turned around to look back at me, but I knew he had heard me but chose to ignore me.

  When I heard the slot in the door close, I exhaled and dry-heaved, again. My mind was moving like the cars on the lanes of the Autobahn.

  “I have to find out what the fuck I’m in for, in this place,” I whispered, running my hands over my face in exasperation. Even when locked up, I had to think on my feet. I couldn’t afford to keep getting caught slipping because my life depended on it.

  7

  SOLITARY CONFINEMENT

  It had been two days in the hole and I had already figured out that Officer Anderson was the regular guard on duty down there. He was awkward and kind of shy, but I could tell with the right prompting, I might get him to tell me what I needed to know and even maybe sneak me a cell phone to call my mother. Or maybe one better, help me get the fuck out.

  “What’s up, Heiress? It’s time for some fresh air. Get into movement position,” Anderson said.

  I got to my feet and rushed over to the door, happy as shit to be getting out of there after having no human contact and being extremely uncomfortable. I had already started to feel like I was losing my mind. I had even started hallucinating a little bit. I’d seen Jillian and my grandmother right in the tiny room with me. I had started talking to myself, laughing at nothing, and contemplating ways I could end it all.

  In the time I had spent alone thinking, I had decided that I would have to put a plan into action. All I could do was hope that I was as good at the art of seduction and gaming as I thought I was. It had worked while I was out on the streets, but being in prison was a totally different ball game.

  I turned around with my back facing the heavy metal door and put my hands through the bottom slot. Anderson put the cuffs on me and I gently pulled my cuffed hands back inside.

  “Opening door twenty!” Anderson called out.

  I heard loud alarms sounding and then the locks clicked to release the door. I told myself that if I played things correctly, maybe this could be my last day in solitary. Especially since I didn’t know why I was there.

  I bit into the side of my cheek and started moving out of the cell.

  “Ay! Heiress!” a loud scream from behind one of those black doors jolted me. I couldn’t tell which door it was coming from, but it was loud. And how did the inmate know my name?

  “Don’t give in to them! If you let them break you, they’ll have you where they want you! You have to stay strong! This is all part of their plan!” the female voice screamed out.

  I paused. I wanted to hear if this inmate was going to give me any more nuggets of knowledge about this godforsaken place.

  “Keep it moving or stay inside,” Anderson said, pushing me forward. He sounded a bit nervous, like he didn’t want me to hear what the inmate was saying. There was something definitely up about this creepy-ass place.

  I turned slightly and found myself face-to-face with him. He had something in his eyes that I sensed as maybe a mixture of weakness and fear. I immediately thought those were the two things in a CO that might work to an inmate’s favor. That might work to my favor particularly.

  I locked eyes with Anderson and we both stared at one another for a few seconds. Shying away, Anderson broke the eye contact first. He wasn’t that cute, but I didn’t care if he looked like a gorilla. Whatever I had to do to get him on my side, I was going to do it.

  “You moving too slow. You only get forty-five minutes,” Anderson warned me.

  “I thought it was an hour when you’re in solitary,” I replied, repeating what I’d heard about the hole from when I was in jail.

  “Oh, you must think you’re on the regular prison side,” he answered. “Nah, this ain’t the same. This is a different type of setup,” he continued cryptically.

  “Well, can you explain to me what it is? Because I’m starting to go crazy with nobody to talk to, and nobody to answer my questions. I don’t know how it was decided to send me here. I don’t know why I’m in the hole or nothing. I was assaulted, in the infirmary, and then next thing I know, I’m in solitary with no explanation,” I said in the most pitiful voice.

  “I can’t get into all that. I’m restricted. But I’ll keep you company while you walk the square and get some air,” Anderson answered, averting his eyes from mine.

  I could tell he was just shy and probably was a sweet person. I wondered what had made someone like him take such an asshole-type job. Most COs were true dicks, and Anderson didn’t seem like the norm. He was trying real hard to be professional, but I kind of could tell he liked me. I sensed that he had a decent spirit about him.

  “I think you’re a nice guy. Most of these guards in here are over-the-top mean for no reason,” I said, trying to game him.

  I saw Anderson kind of smile a little bit, and I think he was even blushing. Just that little sign gave me a bit of hope. Now all I had to do was keep talking to him and wearing him down.

  “Maybe one day while you’re out here keeping me company, you’ll finally tell me what this area is all about.”

  “Maybe,” he said.

  Anderson led me into a small fenced-in area that had nothing but a dying patch of grass, gray cracked concrete, and an open top. When I looked up, I could see the blue sky, white clouds, and not one other sign of life. After I walked the square plot about six times to stretch my aching muscles and work the kinks out of my stiff back, I stopped and walked closer to where Anderson stood guard, waiting for my time to be up. I leaned against the fence and stared straight ahead, but started talking to him.

  “I can tell that this is not the job you saw yourself doing in life, am I correct?” I asked, hoping to play on that little glint of attraction I thought I saw with him. This was classic get-in-his-head-type shit. Leave it to me to come up with a new plan. I just hoped it worked. Anderson looked at his hands. I could see they were shaking a little bit. The first sign of weakness! Yes! I was getting to him.

  “I must be right,” I said. “See, I could tell you were too good to be working as a CO. So, what did you really want to be when you grew up? Wait—let me guess! A lawyer? Maybe a doctor? You look like you’re super smart. It’s so obvious that you’re wasting your talents here. This dead-end job ain’t stimulating for a highly intelligent person like you, Anderson,” I said, laying it on thick. I knew with men that flattery was an ego stroke that could lead to more things later.

  “Um . . . you—you’re not supposed to . . . ,” Anderson stammered, his head moving around like it was on a swivel. I saw his eyes dart up toward the tower and then I noticed came
ras hanging from the sides of the building. The cameras roved back and forth.

  “Oh, what? You can’t really talk to me? Okay, I’ll just keep it moving, then,” I said, quickly catching on.

  “No, um, wait,” he said, sounding like he didn’t want me to stop. “Just, uh, cover your mouth when you talk so the tower and all those cameras won’t know we are chatting. I can’t hold conversations with inmates. They’re scared of fraternizing,” he explained.

  A pang of excitement flitted through my chest. The fact that Anderson told me how to break the rules was a good start. It was a great sign.

  “Thanks for talking to me,” I said.

  Then I sat down and covered my mouth, like he’d told me to do. I kept talking to Anderson. By the end of the hour, I felt like I’d gotten to know him enough to know he was a little more simple than I thought.

  To my dismay, it was another four days before I got another day out of the hole. I hadn’t slept. I barely ate the shitty food they put in the slot. And I had paced so much; my feet were raw on the bottoms. My eyes were swollen from the long bouts of crying and my throat raw from screaming. They had even made me spend one whole day in total darkness and another night with the lights flickering until my eyes ached from it. I started figuring out that this system was in place to somehow break me down. This way, by the time they let me out of this shit, I would be so desperate they could probably get me to agree to anything: even being a human guinea pig for drug testing. At this point, I’d do anything to get out of here.

  When I heard Anderson’s voice at the door tell me to get ready to come out, I thought I would piss myself with happiness. I didn’t think I had ever been that happy to hear a nigga’s voice in my fucking life. I was in bad shape, though. My legs were weak from me barely having enough strength to use them. I knew that I looked and smelled like shit. I hadn’t brushed my hair or my teeth, or taken a shower in days. They were breaking me down, all right.

  I could tell as soon as Anderson saw me that there was a difference in his reaction. The glint of lust in his eyes had faded. He even seemed a bit angry, like I had done something to him personally.