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  I spent every day after that with Drake. And little by little, my plans began to change. I didn’t let Drake know that I was living in a hotel. Instead, I told him I was between places and asked his help in looking for a neighborhood. The search for my new crib led us all over the city. I was surprised at how hard it was to find a place in a nice neighborhood. New York was a world-class city that everyone wanted to visit, but even in a “good” area, you might have to step over a bum and trash on the curb. And the apartments were mad small.

  Drake laughed at me. “Sweetie, people don’t come to New York for the apartments. They’re here to follow their dreams.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “But how can they sleep at night living above a bar and with the subway beneath their window?” We were walking along Avenue of the Americas in the Village, where stars like Hugh Jackman and Sarah Jessica Parker live.

  Drake paused in the middle of the sidewalk and pulled me into his arms. “Lovely lady, don’t you know New York is the city that never sleeps? Besides, I’ll show you such a good time you’ll never want to sleep.”

  I smiled and leaned in for a kiss. “I look forward to many sleepless nights.”

  MATT

  I took a long pull on the fat blunt filled with purple haze that my man Buddha had just passed to me. I inhaled the sweet bud into my lungs and held it in for a few minutes. I could feel the effect right away. When I blew the smoke out of my mouth, I passed the blunt back to Buddha. He did the same thing. It was a little like old times. I had come to see him because he was the only dude left on the streets that I could trust to help me get what I needed to find Lauren. He was also the only nigga that might be able to front me some funds so that I could try to get out there and find Lauren’s grimy ass.

  Buddha was one of those behind-the-scenes dudes that made a lot of money, but wasn’t flashy so he always rode under the radar of the feds and the local police. He was almost five hundred pounds and could barely walk so that might have something to do with why he was so unsuspecting. Don’t sleep though. Buddha had turned into a deadly cat over the years. He ran his business from his couch but the gang of loyal dudes he had working the streets for him were bangers in every sense of the word. I was there asking for a nigga to throw me a bone . . . for old times’ sake.

  He didn’t believe me when I told him what Lauren did to me. He laughed because he thought I was pulling his fucking leg.

  “Wait. Hold up, nigga. I don’t think I’m hearing you right. Maybe it’s this bomb-ass Kush talking, nigga,” Buddha said in disbelief. I shook my head left to right.

  “Nah, nigga, you heard me right,” I affirmed. My eyes low from the weed.

  “So you tryna tell me that your girl, who you took out the hood way back when, stiffed you for like a million dollars? She just got up in the middle of the night, cleaned out the safe, and bounced and a nigga just slept right through that shit?” Buddha reiterated what I had told him as he let out a mouthful of gray smoke. He made it sound like I was just making up some fantasy. I looked at Buddha’s obese body and his triple chins through squinted eyes. That shit sounded much worse when it was repeated back to me. Still not worse than it felt to experience though.

  “Nigga, I ain’t tryna tell you shit. I’m telling you this is fact, nigga. She fucking drugged me so I would be knocked out. Then she up and left with all of the paper after I put in work helping her get the funds. I mean she was kind of the mastermind behind the lick because she had a computer hacker from B-more that was able to get us to the money, but I had to take a risk to get that shit too,” I replied. “Truth be told, I never thought Lauren would do no shit like this to me,” I said, lowering my head in shame.

  Buddha shook his head left to right, his fat cheeks jiggling like a bowl of Jell-O. He let out a snorting grunt that I guess was supposed to be a laugh.

  “It ain’t that hard to believe, nigga, trust me. When money is involved a bitch would cut all their own mother’s organs out. You know I was always a nigga that got to the paper, but I loved the bitch so I got caught slipping this time. I mean after years of putting in work and showing her how to live, I didn’t think she would turn on me like this,” I said. I took another toke off the blunt. The weed was starting to help me finally feel relaxed after two long weeks of straight bugging. Having this conversation was already threatening to blow my fucking high real quick.

  “A’ight, so what you need me to do, nigga? I mean, I ain’t no private detective or nothing. If you don’t know where to look for her ass, I damn sure don’t know,” Buddha asked and told me all in one breath. “But if you find the bitch I got some niggas that will body her just off GP.”

  “Nah, I’m not asking you to find her. This one I gotta take care of myself. I need to look that bitch in the eyes before I give her ass wings,” I said.

  “A’ight, then what?” Buddha asked again. I felt sweat on my forehead. I hated asking niggas for anything.

  “I need you to front me some ends so I can go find her. I mean there are a few places I got in mind to look but a nigga is left with nothing right now. She took my jewelry so I don’t even have shit to pawn. My condo burned to the ground for no fucking reason I can figure out and I ain’t got no car because after all my shit was seized Lauren got a car and I just drove it . . . she left with that shit, too. Man, a nigga’s dick is in the dust right now,” I said, being as honest as I could. My situation sounded bad enough without giving Buddha all the details about the beating I got before my shit burned down. I hadn’t been in the street game since my release, so I had no idea who would want to fuck with me like this. But I was going to get to the bottom of it and dole out my own ass kicking once I lined my pockets with a loan from Buddha and got my hands on a piece.

  Buddha let out a long grunt followed by a long sigh. He rubbed the turkey wattle that doubled as his chin. I could see the shade of doubt darkening his eyes. Before he even thought about telling me no I needed to remind this nigga of what I had done for him.

  “C’mon, son. I know you not gon’ act like a nigga didn’t save your life back in the day,” I said. “I ain’t never ask you for no favors in return for that. But, I’m sure you remember that if it wasn’t for me your ass wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”

  Buddha looked over at me and we locked eyes. Both of us seemed to be drawn back to that day....

  July 2008

  Laughter resounded loudly in the night air. It was always nothing but laughs when I was with my dudes. We ain’t have no worries in the world.

  “Damn, Ak, you dissed that bitch hard. She was trying to be your baby mother, nigga, you ain’t have to do her like that,” I joked as me, Ak, Boone, and Dread all came out of the hole-in-the-wall strip joint called Benny’s in Norfolk. We all busted out laughing again.

  “Nah, nigga, I ain’t making no bullet-hole-having ho wifey,” Ak joked back. “When that bitch got up from the lap dance I swear I saw six bullet holes in her ass.” Everybody laughed again.

  “Nigga, there wasn’t no pretty chicks in that spot. This the hood hole for real,” Boone declared. “My dick shrunk and went into hiding up in that motherfucka, son.”

  I was laughing so hard I almost pissed on myself. Those niggas was funny as hell.

  “Damn, hold up. I gotta take a piss and I can’t make it home,” I told them. “I’ll be right back.”

  I walked around to the dark alley at the back of the club. Just as I went to pull my dick out I heard voices. I lifted my head and listened as the piss drained from my tool.

  “Run that shit, nigga! Run all that shit!” I heard the muffled voice bark. “You don’t run that shit your brains gon’ be on the ground.”

  “C’mon, man. I ain’t got nothing,” I heard another voice plead. “I don’t walk around with shit on me.”

  I stuffed my dick back in my pants and I immediately put my hand on my burner. I peeked around the side of the building and that’s when I saw two stickup kids holding guns on Buddha. His eyes were wide and glistene
d with fear. He had his hands up in defense. I could tell from a distance that nigga Buddha was trembling.

  I remembered Buddha from going to high school with him. He was always that fat nigga that everybody teased, but I always remembered that he kept his clothes fresh and always had about a grip in his pocket even back then. I was always cool with him. I fucked with his little weed hustle in high school. He had the best bud in the city.

  “Run it, motherfucka, or get ya fat-ass head blown off,” one of the stickup kids said. Then . . . CRACK! He hit Buddha in the head with the butt of his gun.

  “Ahh!” Buddha hollered. I saw the skin split open and blood dripped down his face.

  These motherfuckas ain’t tough, I said to myself.

  I crept around the side of the building with my gun out. There was no hesitation in my response either.

  BAM! BAM! I busted two shots into one of the stickup kid’s legs. He had never seen me coming. He folded to the ground like a deflated balloon.

  “Agh! Oh shit!” he screamed, writhing around on the ground. The other kid tried to turn his gun toward me, but my dudes were right there with theirs drawn first. We were real like that. Always had each other’s backs.

  “Drop that shit, bitch,” Ak snarled at the other stickup kid with the gun wavering out in front of him. I could feel the fear coming off of him like stink off shit. He dropped his gun.

  “Please. We . . . we . . . wasn’t,” the stickup kid started. WHAM! Ak hit his ass.

  “Shut the fuck up, little bitch-ass nigga,” Ak growled.

  “Yo, you a’ight?” I asked Buddha. He looked pale as hell like he was about to faint.

  “I . . . I . . . I’m good now,” he stammered with his lips trembling.

  “You know these two was about to put your ass on ice tonight, right? I asked.

  Boone walked over and told Buddha, “Yeah, you was about to be ghost. These little niggas ain’t got nothing to lose or to live for.” Ak and Dread started kicking and punching the two stickup kids. They went through the kids’ pockets and took all of the money they had stolen from other people that night. They took their guns and their jewelry, too.

  “Now get the fuck from ’round here before I put more bullets in y’all asses, this time in the dome,” Dread told them. The kid I shot couldn’t walk so his friend had to drag him.

  “Th . . . th . . . thank you,” Buddha huffed. “That . . . that shit was crazy. I usually have my gun but you know how it is in the club, they ain’t tryna let you in with no burner,” Buddha explained. I could tell he was still shaken up. The club rules about guns didn’t apply to me and my crew.

  “I hate bitch-ass stickup kids. Think nothing of it. Just make sure if I ever need you out here in these streets you got me. Oh and make sure I get that good weed hookup next time I see you too, nigga. I remember that you be getting that straight from the bud, hydroponic shit,” I told Buddha. Me, Ak, Boone, and Dread walked Buddha to his ride and watched him pull out.

  “That nigga was made shook. Fat as his ass is he could sit on them two skinny little niggas,” Ak joked. We all started laughing again.

  * * *

  “A’ight you got that one. How much you need?” Buddha relented after thinking back for a few minutes. I knew that memory would get his ass back on track.

  “I’m thinking ten stacks should take me over for a minute. Or at least until I can get my hands on a few dollars more,” I said.

  “Gotdamn, nigga! You thinking a lot!” Buddha belted out. I had also forgotten this nigga was mad cheap.

  “I told your ass I’ma have to travel. You know the bitch didn’t stay local. She ain’t that fuckin’ stupid. In fact, she’s real smart. I’m telling you, once I find her, I will be able to pay you back. This ain’t a couple stacks she got on her. This is millions that she owes me, nigga,” I said.

  I could see Buddha contemplating and calculating what I was saying at the same time. With hood niggas you always had to show a benefit to them before they would help you.

  “Damn,” Buddha gave in. He pulled his fat-ass body up from the couch, which looked like it was painful. He was breathing all hard like to even walk was hard work for him. He could barely lift his feet.

  This nigga need to lose weight before he drop dead. Damn, I thought as I watched Buddha struggle to walk to the back of his apartment.

  “I got eight stacks and that’s all I have in the house,” Buddha lied when he returned. My eyes hooded over, but I thought better of arguing with him. I wasn’t going to split hairs with the cheap nigga over two stacks but I was going to remember this shit. I snatched the money from Buddha’s hands.

  “Thanks.” I paused for a moment before throwing in my last request real casual. “I’m also gonna need a place to crash until I leave town. How about that condo you got downtown?” Buddha gave me the side eye, probably wondering if he’d regret helping me out. But I pressed on, ’cause I wasn’t about to take no for an answer and I was serious about getting Lauren and setting things right. “I’ll let you know when I find her . . . because I will fucking find her,” I said.

  I stuffed the eight thousand dollars in my jacket and left Buddha’s apartment. I wasn’t expecting to have anybody watching me or following me. I guess a nigga should’ve kept his guard up a little better than that.

  LAUREN

  “Here are your keys and your lease, Ms. Kelton,” the nice Realtor said as he handed me the things I needed to take possession of the new Brooklyn apartment I had just rented. I’d been able to get around the usual credit check and income verification by paying for the year’s rent upfront. At thirty years old, I finally had my own place. And it felt good.

  “Thank you so much,” I beamed, practically snatching the keys from the Realtor’s hands. I whirled around one more time and took in an eyeful of my new place. It was absolutely the perfect place for me. The beautifully restored crown moldings and shiny refaced hardwood floors made it feel so rich inside. I could already picture what type of furnishings and décor items I wanted.

  Drake had recommended the rental, which was the entire first floor of a brownstone in the swanky DUMBO area of Brooklyn. Drake and I had been almost inseparable since the night I met him at the bar. I had learned so much about New York City from him and he had been showing me around the city. Drake was a welcome distraction from thinking about my problems. He had been showing me a good time and I let him. He had worked wonders at taking my mind off of Matt and Yancy and my past.

  “Didn’t I tell you that you would love it,” Drake said into my ear, coming up from behind me and placing his hands around my waist as we both looked out of one of the three floor-to-ceiling windows in the apartment. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and smiled. I inhaled the scent of his cologne. It was Issey Miyake, my favorite scent for men. I turned to face Drake.

  “You sure did,” I giggled. “And everything you’ve told me so far has been right on point,” I said. He gently put his mouth over mine and I slipped my tongue between his lips. We kissed passionately for a few minutes, our tongues doing a sensual dance with each other. Then he moved his mouth from mine. I opened my eyes to see why he had stopped. I was already flushed with heat. I could also feel the moisture building up between my legs. Drake was looking deep into my eyes, which melted my insides and made me feel tingly all over. I hadn’t had that tingly feeling from a man in years. I had lost that with Matt.

  “You ready to christen this place?” Drake asked me with that sexy gaze in his sleepy eyes. I smiled at him coquettishly. Drake took that as a yes. He put each of his hands on my cheeks and pulled my face closer to his. He kissed me again. After a few minutes, he slowly pulled his mouth away from mine. Still holding my face in his hands, Drake kissed my chin, then my neck, then moved to my chest. Before long, Drake’s hands and his tongue were exploring my body without one bit of protest from me. It may have been too soon, but I couldn’t resist his sex appeal. I was longing for a man’s touch. I was also desperate to feel safe, protected,
and loved again.

  “Christen? Is that what you call it when you let a sexy-ass stranger take your clothes off in your new home?” I whispered to Drake.

  “No. It’s what you call it when you let a man who is feeling you treat you like a woman should be treated,” he replied in that smooth sexy-ass voice of his. He slowly unzipped my BCBG dress and used his mouth to slide each sleeve off of my shoulders. He was so fucking sexy!

  “Ohh,” I gasped as I felt his tongue trail over my sizzling-hot skin. I threw my head back and closed my eyes. I was breathing hard. Just then Drake took in a mouthful of my right nipple. I had no choice but to bend to his will now. He had me right where he wanted me. I didn’t even realize that I was gyrating my hips, too. My breasts were my weak spot and Drake had found it. He moved from the right nipple to the left. I let out a long hissing sigh.

  “I want to feel you,” I panted. Drake ignored me and continued to lick every inch of my body. When he trailed his tongue from my chest straight down the middle of my stomach to my belly button I almost lost my mind. I arched my pelvis to let him know I was ready for him.

  “Not yet,” he whispered. “Let me take my time with you. You deserve every minute of my time.”

  I truly felt like crying. This man just seemed to drop out of the sky and was so perfect. I hadn’t found one thing about Drake that I didn’t like.

  Drake finally made it below my belly button. He kissed the inside of each one of my thighs. My legs were trembling. No man had ever gone down on me besides Matt. I started to feel nervous and uncomfortable. I used my hands to try to lift Drake’s head up, but he moved my hands away.

  “Don’t,” I whispered. Tears were starting to well up in my eyes. My entire body began shaking. I couldn’t stop the thoughts of Matt from flooding my brain at that moment. Drake wouldn’t stop. He moved his face and buried it between my legs. I felt like I would hyperventilate. It was too much. I was too emotional.